Short funny quotes and humorous lines. One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, backgrounds.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
When nothing is going right, go left.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Sane is boring.
I’m addicted to placebos.
I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.
Puns are the highest form of literature.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
What’s another word for Thesaurus?
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?
FUNNY QUOTES THAT ARE SELF-DEPRECATING
My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.
I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.
I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.
Finally my winter fat is done. Now I have spring rolls.
Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.
My brain has too many tabs open.
I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
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