Funny quotes - QualityQuotes

Funny quotes – Quality Quotes

Funny quotes – QualityQuotes

Funny quotes – QualityQuotes Whether you’re looking for funny quotes just for a laugh, to give a toast, or to lighten the mood at a public speaking event, you’ve come to the right place. Read through these funny quotes and memorize a few to help lighten the mood when it’s needed. There’s nothing like a funny quote to relax an audience and make them receptive to hearing what you have to say. If you want to laugh, even more, take a look at these

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Will Rogers

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Elbert Hubbard

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Steve Martin

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Jim Carrey

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

Anthony Burgess

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.

Charles Dudley Warner

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.

Luis Bunuel

What’s another word for Thesaurus?

Steven Wright

Only the mediocre are always at their best.

Jean Giraudoux

If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Tallulah Bankhead

Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity.

Thor Heyerdahl

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Ron White

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

Richard Dawkins

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Margaret Mead

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Hedy Lamarr

Also check: Inspirational Steve Jobs Quotes | quotes quality

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

Thomas Sowell

Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Casey Stengel

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

Terry Pratchett

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Billy Connolly

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

H. G. Wells

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

P. J. O’Rourke

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.

Hesiod

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Winston Churchill

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?

Leo Durocher

Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.

E. B. White

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Billy Connolly

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

Terry Pratchett

What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.

Christopher Fry

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